Truly Madly Deeply

You listen to the song she always listen to.

You check her room first thing in the morning.

You frequently check your phone for message from her.

You read and re-read messages she sent you before.

You try to read the books she used to read before.

You flip thru her photos wondering how fast time goes by.

You check the school calendar wondering what's she doing now.

You count the days you would see her again...





Yes, i miss my daughter. So much.

I.
Balik keje kami singgah farmasi. Buntalz urge nak beli 'mask' dan 'hand sanitizer' (antiseptik untuk basuh tangan). Whoa... tiba-tiba aje very concious. I wonder why...? Hmm. So we bought 5 mask (RM1.10 x 5) and 2 sanitizer.

II.
Went back home and check emails, then i realize nape Buntalz so suddenly very concern. There's an email regarding H1N1 shared by a colleague, based on her own brother's experience:

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Lina,

Nak dpt pandangan since u dh ada pengalaman.. Apa symptom virus ni? Melalui pembacaan dan rakaman berita, seolah2 tiada symptom yg khusus terutama demam. Demam x teruk pun bole dp jangkitan. Boleh share info tak? Pengalaman family berhadapan ngan virus ini. :)

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High risk infection to person yg smooking, has atshma, children, pregnant woman


Beginner stage

Batuk, selsema, demam, sakit tekak, bila terbesin bunyi tak kuat...


Second Stage

Susah bernafas, simtom macam asthma but not asthma, at this stage if you touch the person, or breath in the same room 80% boleh kena...masa ni kena kuarantin...at hospital. Masalahnya sekarang dah ramai yg kena.. hospital tak cukup katil & bilik kuarantin...Bila u pengsan macam nak mati baru dia org admitted.macam kes adik I.


Critical

Lung infection. Bila X ray we can see the virus covered the lung. Like my brother case. Very scary bila tengok x ray tu. At this stage u need oksigen with highest level, Strongest antivral..very high drug. At least 7 days oksigen kena bagi. % to recover depend to age, imune badan u. That's why kalau baby atau budak2 susah nak kata...normally die. My brother hari ni genap 8 hari..still need oksigen. Kesian dia. Masa tahap critical tu tercungap2 dia bernafas, sampai menangis..Sampai satu tahap dia berguling atas simen sbb dah tak tahan...sampai dia give up ..sampai dia blh cakap lebih baik Allah ambik nyawa dia...Itu lelaki tu..imagine kalau pompuan atau budak2. We all cuma blh tengok dia dari cermin...tak blh masuk dlm bilik kuarantin...Dr & nurse aje boleh masuh...siap pakai baju plastik. To support him, what we did bagi sms, bagi dia alquran biar dia baca so that dia tenang, bagi tasbih biar dia zikir ingat Allah & bagi Air yasin...Alhamdulillah pastu dia ok sikit.Ada hikmahnya...All the family member unite to support my brother fighting the virus.

Masalahnya hospital swasta tak terima H1N1 case, sekarang ni semua depend hospital kerajaan yg most of the doctors still young . The oldest dr in my brother ward was 28 years. All the Otai dah pergi private. Lepas tu plak this is the first time to treat H1N1 patient. At the same time dr bz with other case as well...1 doktor 5 patient...kat gov hospital...kesian dr2 tu...berhempas pulas nak selamatkan patient. I appreciate them, mmg very appreciate dia org jaga adik i dgn baik sekali..So far hospital Ampang is the best goverment hospital yg i jumpa..very efficient.Very quick action ..Even senior dia org dah pergi private & they don't have much experience , dia org tetap work hard give the best treatment to the patients..sampai tak balik rumah...tidor kat hospital.

Rasa nak peluk & cium dia org sebab selamatkan adik I...


III.
Sehingga ke hari ini H1N1 sudah mengorbankan 13 nyawa di negara kita. Salam takziah buat keluarga mereka. So sama-sama la kita jaga diri kita dan kesayangan kita (yang tersayang, keluarga etcetera).

rasanya dah lama betul tak tulis n3 baru...
penat?? tak lah sangat
busy?? adalah jugak
malas?? yang ni memang lebih

apa-apa pun bila baca n3 kak ja buat si adik teringat ah nak jot down on Kakak's B'day yg tak lama dulu - 3rd July.

I will remember the day before... it was 2nd July 2002...
Ingat lagik the day before my i went for check up then my doc ask me tocome tomorrow (2nd July) since I got 1.5cm opening...
Hati berdegup giler...
Takut dah ah tuh officemates and senior-seniorcerita macam-macam.
Luckily my doc kata not to worry he will be there
(since this is my 1st exp. lepas tuh during 7mth pernah plak jatuh dalam toilet...syukur tak de apa2)

So Morning of 2nd July here I go... pergi jumpa my dearest doc.-Dr. M
Like him much..dia buat apa aja sumer very gentle tak de ah suka2 hati dia aja...
Even masuk air kat my hand pun he put it slow and steady tahu2 dah sudah.
Looking at my condition..doc kata masuk je ubat so cepat sikit opening if not maybehave to wait lama... sbb since yesterday lagik till now (2/7) opening cuma 1.5 aja.
Acidz agreed to it..
he registered my rooms while I went to the ECG room (alah rooms which I have to wear belts on the stomach nak dengar baby's heart beat)


Sister yg bertugas was Sis Kaur (if not mistaken, big Singh lady but very politeand gentle)..
dia yg explain all the procedure what so not happen afterdrugs been inserted.
Time passed...
my mum ada she came at 12pm... (Acidz always there hope yg future pun dia adalah.... huhuhuh)
She ask me to eat my lunch so that i will have enough energy...
just ate few spoonof rice and soup serve by APSH. Drinks MILO then i doze off sbb ada rasa sakitsikit...

Later round 5pm..
dah bored dah..my stomach rasa macam pelik jer...(huhuhuhhuhu tak tahu sakit macam mana???) then I lepark kat lounge withmy sis..
My mom went to surau with dad and acidz...
I feel not comfortable Doc M datang masa dia buat rounding ..
tgk i tengah berzikir (actually tgh bergoyang macam org duduk zikir sbb tahan sakit).
Dor M kata dah sakit ye?? Better go into labor room.. no more foods
So i minta minum aja... Minum air MILO then nurse datang nak insert ubat B***K supaya segala macam keluar...
then ke toilet lah siap nurse ketuk pintu lagik...
Puan jangan kuat2 nanti baby keluar...Ahaks....boleh sound gitu ek...



Kat labor room :-
Doc M datang @ 8:30pm-->no progress
@ 11:00pm--> hmmm just 3cm he expect by next early morning

Doc M siap mention nak broke my water-bed tapi sure I sakit... better go natura
Ada mid-wives sibuk suruh ambil epidural bila nak ambil dia mention dah lewat so she just give me jab on my thigh...
dapat tidur jap pehtu sakit balik

Then @ 1:30 ada bunyi "PLOP"..
kuat gak ah since bilik tuh semua nya senyapso boleh dengar ah ...
tiba2 air kuar Acidz tgh lallok pon tekujat giloss..
terbangunterus panggil nurse and mid wife...
dia orag datang letakkan kain, then panggil doc M

A few minutes later Doc M datang check dia kata baru 3cm
Expected dalam 2:30am He'll be coming again...
As for me..
mak oiii sakit nyer tuhan aja tahu...
nasib ah ada KEIMANAN kalau tak mau terjerit2 macam org jual ikan kat pasar terlelap jap bangun balik lelap jap bangun balik...

Doc M datang tapi no progress still 3cm...
doc says suppose dah cepat opening
Babies heart still ok cuma ... MENCI ah dengan belt nih....

Then after about 16hrs (dr kul 12pm to 5am 3rd July )
Doc M decide to operateafraid of baby heart become slow and I don't have energy anymore prolong to long hour labor pain.
Acidz agreed since he was the one yg sign ...
(Hmmmm, macam tactic cuba cari yg baru jer, ahaks, jgn marah acidz i know u lurve me)

Frankly i woke up at 6pm then baru jumpa MY BABY...

Girl...with big eyes...round face...and sweet smell...

There she is the ONE that I carry for about 9months
The proof of my Love and Acidz....

Kakak..having you in my life are the most precious treasure I recived
No matter what you do, who you are, what you look like ...
I always love uU mean so much to me... without you I am nobody....

"You light up my life...you give me warm..."

B'day cake this year

atuk yg sedang bacakan doa

birthday girl yg tak sabo